46.. Forgive and forgive:
This is the modified version of “forget and forgive”. There is a wide difference between to forget and to forgive. If I say “I have forgotten your name” It has no meaning as far as the emotional pain or pleasure is concerned. where as forgiveness comes after knowing truly the event, the consequences and the pain that the event has given to you.”
The work forget (forgetting) and forgive (forgiving) in it self suggests that one is “for getting” something while the other is “for giving” something.
Forgiving others is completely a simple process if you have compassion as one of your core value.where as, forgiving oneself is very difficult if you have stringent rules for evaluating your own performance or if you have highest values.
Some thirty five years back while traveling in a steam engine driven train in
Northern Gujarat, I lost my
bag containing all original documents of my career up to the final semester
engineering exam mark sheets. It shook me to the bottom, thinking it was a disaster.
“How I can be so careless to miss a bag containing such important documents?” I could not explain it to myself I could get
duplicate copies of them all now. As I look back on the event occurred some thirty
five years ago it has no significance today. I have not forgotten the incidence;
I still remember vividly what exactly happened and how I felt those days.
Nevertheless I have forgiven myself for my lapse may be blunder. I will not get
upset whenever; I remember this incidence now on the contrary I smile over it
and move on. Infect, I often remember this incidence to tone down, my pain of
current lapses or mistakes. I know it for sure, that any incidence has no major
significance after certain period of time.
Forgiving others and most importantly forgiving. oneself is the key to unload tons of emotional load from your head.
This does not, however, mean that you should not act when it is required to take immediate action. This is useful only when an event has already occurred and you have no control whatsoever over it. Only forgiveness will work in such cases.
Learn the technique of ‘forgive (others) and forgive (yourself too)”………
Asking you to forgive yourself and drop the guilt is easier said the done. I know.. I have first hand experience of it. I tell you guilt is one of the worst things that can happen to you. And it is the prime cause of clinical depression.
Here is the way out. Key is to write down on a piece of paper the worst emotions then soothing lines at the end of letter-note. More and more time you write and say I forgive my self, you feel better.
One of the fastest way is to do following steps.
- Remember the event which gives you immense guilt.
- Close the eyes.
- Clinch the left arm fist and immediately remember a good experience of your life… feel that good experience now.
- Do this several times in a day.
Both this techniques will slowly but certainly reduce your guilt load.
So…. Forgive (others) and forgive (yourself too)”