Wednesday, September 18, 2013

A GIFTED TOY...(tame the monster within)

Hi
  Here is a short poem which I have composed and which is base (title poem) of the book.
 It describes feeling of a man, who finds himself ,suddenly,trapped under heavy feelings and mood swings
 It ultimately says, if you can treat your negative feelings and mood swings as a friend ,it will become easier for you to cope with them quickly.


       A GIFTED –TOY (tame the monster inside you)
I was rushing down the road.
Singing, jumping all along in joyous mood.
On a sharp corner, fogy day and far way.
I bumped into a monster blocking my way.
I was knocked down, bleeding on the road side,
The monster was laughing loud and wide,
I lay there for days unknown,
Woke up to see the rainy afternoon.
There were rains, lightning and thunder storm,
I had to lie there, why I don’t know,

Rain stopped and rainbow sighted
Birds seen flying, singing and delighted,
There was joy in all woods around
But I was scared, looking the monster around.
Few boys came around I did not say any thing but,
They lifted me up and took me to a hut.

I met my GURUJI, whom I know as my mentor
He gave me food, medicine and shelter,
He taught me the ways and means for
How to live happily once again
“Still I am scared GURUJI,” once I screamed
“I always see monster in my dream”
“Why do you think” said Guruji “Monster blocking you”
“It is now only inside you and you only are blocking you”
“Learn the ways and art of life”
Take the inner monster in your stride”
“Make it your best friend, O my boy”
It is a blessing in disguise and A GIFTED TOY.  

48. A GIFTED TOY ..(tamed monster,a buddy)

48. A GIFTED TOY
(tamed monster, a buddy)

O Guruji, thank you a zillion times,
you made me your boy.
now only, I can understand,
and accept this monster as a gifted toy.

Now I can play with him, if I want,
and turn it off when I don’t.
I allow it to play with myself,
and then pack it off to the shelf.

The monster sometimes smiles,
And walk with me, hand in hand, for miles.
Sometimes, when I am unable to walk,
He lifts me up, and run, shunning the talk.

He is my buddy, if I deploy
         I know, for sure, it is my GIFTED TOY.            

47 Accept the consequences of your action and built up confidence

47. Accept the consequences of your action and built up confidence:
            The other day my son was with me, when we saw a lady close her doors, put a lock and then checks it nearly a dozen times. Not only that, after walking a few steps she will came back and again recheck the lock for half a dozen times.
            “She do not have confidence” my son tried to explain it to me.
            “Oh, yes, may be” I replied casually.
Later, when I tried to analyses the event I find that it is not only lack of confidence  which make you behave in such manner. Yes, it is lack of confidence but it is one third of the story.
            There are three aspects involved in such action oriented behavior.
  1. Lack of confidence.
  2. Not ready to accept the consequences of action.
  3. Negative interpretation of consequences.
We are all aware of the first past of such behavior, namely lack of confidence. This also stems out from the fact that, it may have some past records. And that she has given the incidence a ‘trigger’ Status. For instance, the lady in question may not be worried about her office drawer being open or close. Because she has not thought enough negative on that event, where as here she has given a status of trigger by thinking in the negative way several times may be years together.
            The second part is ‘not ready to accept the consequence of action.’ If you are ready to accept what ever is out come of your action, you are not bothered. If the lady is ready to accept the fact that her house can be burgled if kept upon, she can remain at peace. She is not bothered by the office drawer because he accepts the consequence of it, if it is remained open overnight.
            The third part, which is more important then the above two is interpretation of consequence. This is the main factor which determines your behavior. If you attach very bad feeling to your outcome of action or even possible out come of action you are too cautious. If the lady in once example believes that, it is a disaster to keep her house open overnight and that she can not forgive herself for such lapses, she is extremely cautions not to make any mistake to the extent of one in millions and in the process, she losses the confidence. The whole vicious circle is then completed. She do not know why she behaves this way. Infect, she wants to stop such behavior forcibly.
            To solve the mystery of such behaviors – you have to address all three aspects. Better you start addressing the third one, then second. If you address third and second aspects mentored above, your confidence will automatically be taken care. Be aware that, confidence does not come alone and that too forcibly without resolving the other two parts of your personality traits.
Accept the consequences and built up confidence.






46. Forgive and forgive...new tecnique

46.. Forgive and forgive:
            This is the modified version of “forget and forgive”. There is a wide difference between to forget and to forgive. If I say “I have forgotten your name” It has no meaning as far as the emotional pain or pleasure is concerned. where as forgiveness comes after knowing truly the event, the consequences and the pain that the event has given to you.”
            The work forget (forgetting) and forgive (forgiving) in it self suggests that one is “for getting” something while the other is “for giving” something.
            Forgiving others is completely a simple process if you have compassion as one of your core value.where as, forgiving oneself is very difficult if you have stringent rules for evaluating your own performance or if you have highest values.
            Some thirty five years back while traveling in a  steam engine driven train in Northern Gujarat, I lost my bag containing all original documents of my career up to the final semester engineering exam mark sheets. It shook me to the bottom, thinking it was a disaster. “How I can be so careless to miss a bag containing such important documents?”  I could not explain it to myself I could get duplicate copies of them all now. As I look back on the event occurred some thirty five years ago it has no significance today. I have not forgotten the incidence; I still remember vividly what exactly happened and how I felt those days. Nevertheless I have forgiven myself for my lapse may be blunder. I will not get upset whenever; I remember this incidence now on the contrary I smile over it and move on. Infect, I often remember this incidence to tone down, my pain of current lapses or mistakes. I know it for sure, that any incidence has no major significance after certain period of time.
            Forgiving others and most importantly forgiving. oneself is the key to unload tons of emotional load from your head.
            This does not, however, mean that you should not act when it is required to take immediate action. This is useful only when an event has already occurred and you have no control whatsoever over it. Only forgiveness will work in such cases.
            Learn the technique of ‘forgive (others) and forgive (yourself too)”………
            Asking you to forgive yourself and drop the guilt is easier said the done. I know.. I have first hand experience of it. I tell you guilt is one of the worst things that can happen to you. And it is the prime cause of clinical depression.
            Here is the way out. Key is to write down on a piece of paper the worst emotions then soothing lines at the end of letter-note. More and more time you write and say I forgive my self, you feel better.
            One of the fastest way is to do following steps.
  1. Remember the event which gives you immense guilt.
  2. Close the eyes.
  3. Clinch the left arm fist and immediately remember a good experience of your life… feel that good experience now.
  4. Do this several times in a day.
Both this techniques will slowly but certainly reduce your guilt load.
So…. Forgive (others) and forgive (yourself too)”




45." Hundred meters" and " ten to ten " test

45. ‘Hundred meters’ and ‘ten to ten’ test:
            This technique was gifted to me by a young boy. We were both walking across a flyover bridge. The boy was crying for a chocolate.
            “Don’t cry” I said.
            “Will you give me a chocolate, if I do not cry till we cross this fly over bridge?” The boy asked innocently. Suddenly, I realized that, this is a good idea.
            This is a very typical method I have often used for myself. The basic idea here is to postpone the bad moods, for sometime.
            A teenager boy come to a wiser man of the village “I can not stop smoking” asked the boy. “What should I do?” The wise man replied “you don’t have to stop smoking altogether. Then only thing you have to do is to wait for half an hour whenever you feel like smoking.”
            “This is very simple, the boy was delighted”
“But, this is for the first weak only. The next weak you will have to wait for 45 minutes before you smoke. Each weak you will have to add 15 minutes before you smoke.”
            After few weeks the boy came to the wise man “sir, I have stopped smoking, completely.”
            The idea is the habits do not go immediately. If you have accustomed to habitual brooding and worrying for small matters, you can not stop it immediately. Your mind has to learn it slowly. Let your brain know that, it is possible, for at least some time, to postpone the worrying or brooding.
            Happiness is all about your mood at this moment. If you can postpone your negative thoughts and worries for same time, happiness is right here and now. Happiness has nothing to do with past or future. Though, everyone know, it is difficult to practice this idea, especially if you have formed a negative pattern for yourself.
            I use, this technique very often. Sometimes, I decide remain calm over certain issue till I walk 100 meters distance or till I reach a shopping mall. It is amazing when you ask you brain to keep quite, only for some time, it obeys the order. Your brain is assured, that, it can revert back to its original chatter after only some time. This technique is known as “100 mtr” technique. It is technique of walking only 100 mtr. Cool minded. If you can achieve this  stage, the next stage is “10 to 10 test”.
            Take one day at a time, say “Sunday”. From 10 am Sunday to 10 am next day, you will not allow your brain to go negative. Observe this for 24 hrs only. If you catch yourself worrying / brooding over certain issue gently request your brain that, “oh, my dear friend only nine hours after left now. Why do you make such haste?” Slowly you will notice that, you can delay the anxiety for some length of time. This is what exactly required for a blissful mind. Keep a card reading “10 to 10 test” in your pocket and touch it all time, remanding yourself of your short term goal.
            This strategy can then be extended for the days in a weak, three days in a week & so on. Go slow, unless you master 100 mtr. test don’t venture in ’10 to 10 test.’
            Use this technique judiciously and not for  procrastination.
            Learn ‘100 mtr’ and ’10 to 10 test’ technique.




44. Expand Brotherhood....Love all

             44. Expand brotherhood…………. Love all.
            This notion was also received while vacating our house in village, after it was sold. Along with the stamped documents dating back to 1888, I found, what is known as a ‘Family tree’. It is a big tree with trunk as my 8th generation forefather and names of successive generations spreading out as smaller branches. I never knew the name of my grate grand father ,forget  the eighth generation fore fathers.
            I noticed, while careful observations, that seventy five percent population of my village community, were covered as various branches and sub-branches of this giant tree. How amazing!
            Suddenly I got an idea. Suppose, if I extend the tree further down to say one thousand generations, how will a look?. Will it cover all the population of my district of say state? possibility, yes. What if I extend it to one thousand generation? Are we all not, virtually, brother in true sense? What makes us that unhappy with our brothers? What is that, we want to prove and capture from our brothers?
            The other day, while traveling through Mumbai suburban train, I witnessed a hot argument between two such brothers for a seat., the seat, which will have to be vacated after half an hour. Even first class suburban train passengers quarrel over seat. The only difference between the arguments in second class and first class compartment is that, the former argue in Hindi while the later argue in English!
            Are they not brother of a tree of the thousand years? Who knows?
            Expand brotherhood – love all.



43. Know the difference between contentment and loss of goal.

43. Know the difference between contentment and loss of goal.
            One morning in my college hostel days ,when it was raining and I started for a morning walk, my neighbor opening his door inquired “where are you going in the rain?”
“For my morning walk” I replied smiling. Later in the evening, he came and asked “tell me, when you talk of spirituality and frailness of body, why are you hell bent on maintaining this body. So scrupulously?”
 “Look” I replied “Don’t mix spirituality with disoriented life and ill health” we are the trustee of this body and it is our duty to maintain it properly”
“It means you are not content” he persisted. Lot of people confuse between contentment and aimlessness. Not having any goal, hobby or anything to peruse is not spirituality. Even the devotee and yogi have their aim as ‘liberation’. The key here is, to understand the difference between contentment and loss of goal.  
            You can feel contented eveniof you have lofty goals and even if you are trying hard to achieve your goal. The difference lies in the attitude of a person as of today. First you have to feel safe, secure and happy as of today then only you can proceed for the higher goal.
            So set you own goal. Make ‘bliss’ as top priority while proceeding toward the goal. All along the journey towards the goal feel safe, serene and secure. Such journey is as charming as goal it self.
            Be content, yet move towards the Goal.
        
              


42. Put Yourself in learning mode

42. Put yourself in a ‘learing’mode
“How dare you say this to me? You don’t have manners.” Shouted one of my friend to a colleague. The problem was very simple. While the friend was handling his mobile phone, this Colleague has passed a remark. “You do not know battery and connectivity status of the phone, how would you send SMS?”
            Later in the day, I met my friend and tried to pacify his emotions. He was not in mood to listen to me.
            “He is very arrogant and things he only knows everything” he again argued the same thing.
            “OK” I explained,: he was not good in his behavior. If I say, “You do not know how to fly a helicopter, how would you react? Would you mind it?
            “No, not at all. I do not know how to fly, it is OK.”
            “Now,” I continued “if I say you do not know your mother tongue properly, how would you react?”
            “I would, reject the statement, completely” he was confident. Suddenly he realized  that, it was easy for him if he could accept of reject the statement completely.
            The problem comes when you are half heated. You are stressful when your conscious mind says you should know it and your subconscious mind is doubtful out it.
            What is the solution then?
The solution lies in the awareness that, there is position –in fact there are numerous position- between knowing and not knowing. This is termed as learning mode. The only thing required here is you must have left zero percentage and not reached cent percent of any knowledge or skill. All that lie between zero and cent percent is termed as learning mode.
            If you accept yourself in a learning mode. You are not worried about reaching cent percent. Once you have become aware of your mood swings you have started learning. You are not now bothered even if you loose your mood once in  a while. It is a learning mode.
            Be aware and put yourself in a learning mode.



41. Cry frequently .......unload yourself

    41. Cry Frequently – unload yourself:
            By now, I have given you so many ideas which are not acceptable as general guide line or routine norms. Here is one more for you. This idea indicates that, crying frequently is good for your soul. Normally, if you are too stressed or have extreme mood swings crying is almost natural.
            In a masculine society, no one especially a man is supposed to cry. This social attitude may build up internal stress, which ultimately will come out as psychosomatic disease.
            Do you know why a child cries so frequently and so easily? It has no mechanism to store in the stress. They unload all external stress then and there only. In any case, if you are highly stressed a heartfelt cry will defiantly relieve you from all internal pressure.
            Before you believe in this technique few things should be made clear over here.
(i).  Crying should  not be for some material thing ……. Or loss or it., unless it has become extreme cause f concern
(ii). Crying should not be in public places.
(iii). Crying should not be without any aim.
                        Your aim is calmness after it.
            Remember crying after a lost item, a lost battle, a spoiled relationship or loss or heath, will also make you peaceful. And  it may reduce your stress level immediately.
            What are the thing required for such useful cry
a.       a solitude.
b.      Complete surrender.
c.       Unshakable faith in almighty.
d.      Forgive and forgive ‘attitude.’
Let your heartfelt cry be a close door affair but not alone. In front of your GURU, and almighty you need to surrender whole heatedly. Keep a photograph of your GURU/God  in front of you, tune in the words of wisdom spoken by your GURUJI, fold your hand, bow down and Let your eyes be washed. Don’t ask anything. Just surrender. He knows your fight, he is aware of your losses and problems, your drawbacks, your ill health. Let him decide his own way.
            One of the stanzas of Swami Ramdas which I normally recite while I surrender is
“O Almighty, what should I ask while standing in front of you. This melancholy does not seem to be fading away. Let my all doubts be shattered and let my all worries be melted away, this is the only thing that I ask, my lord.”
                                                                                    -Ramdas (Karunashtak-29)
What a way to ask !
Here is one more request.
O Almighty, I am unable, on my own, to stop this chatter of my mind. I can not detach myself from my kith an kin. Every moment my confidence shakes. O ocean of compassion, that is why I surrender unto you.
-          Ramdas (Karunthal-5)
            Believe me, this is the only way out, when you hit upon your trigger knowingly or unknowingly.
            Some time it so happen that, even after your first surrender you do not get calmness. The negatives are so strong that, they overwhelm you, while you are praying.
            What should you do in such case?
Surrender the thought itself to the almighty.
            Recite this one from Ramdas.
“O, Almighty, please don’t make my logic and intelligence go hay wire completely, as I surrender up to you.”
Cry frequently and in process unload your stress.






40. Identify were the problem lies

40. Identify where the problem lies:
            Once a young devotee came to a saint and asked “why I am not getting God realization, even after decades of hard effort?”
 “Come here, to night” a plain reply come from the saint.
            When the devotee came at night, there was a pitch darkness in the hut. “come in” he was instructed by the saint.
“I have lost my Tulsi necklace some where in the hut. Can you find out?” the saint asked the devotee.
            “First, I will have to light up a lantern here, so that I can see” said the devotee and lighted up the lantern.
“Taking the lantern the saint immediately moved out of the hut and started searching the necklace in the backyard.
            “But you have lost the necklace inside the hut. Guruji you will not find it outside” without knowing anything the devotee questioned the saint.
            “My son,” said Guruji “Here is the answer. “You knew that, the light (knowledge) would be required to search the necklace (bliss) in the darkness (ignorance). However, having the light of knowledge and wisdom alone is not enough. You have to search where you have lost it.”
            For those, who has frequent mood swings, it is very difficult to identify where the problem lies. If you have problem all round, if you find every one else is at fault, if you are unhappy with every one around, if each small pending work bother you, know it for sure that the problem lies within. Nothing is required to be done, outside, to improve upon the situation. This can not be solved by external change because you can not control all events and you can not change all persons  around. The only thing required here is to be aware that, the problem is internal and it will go simply by acknowledging it, and surrounding to almighty and Guru.
            If you get upset with someone or worried about some situation, how do you know that, this is your internal problem or a genuine problem, which require your attention and immediate action? The simple test is, to find out how do you feel in general, are you unhappy with others/ other situation equally, are you feeling angry frustrated with yourself also, how do you feel about your future in general an optimistic view or a pessimistic view. If any some of the above answer is negative, know it for sure that, the problem is internal. The idea is to know, whether you need to act right now or just prey and let the storm pass over. There are some triggers which are pressed very often, putting you in a spiral of thought, that has no answers or no feasible solution what so-ever.
            Take one example, suppose you are  afraid of being fired by your employer for one reason or the other, which you do not know. These are no apparent symptoms of this event to happen. Even than, if you keep on trying to find out answer to these quires,  you are inviting  big trouble. If you try searching for alternate job due to fear of being fired, it is your internal problem. However, if you are already fired or you are searching a better job- teen the problem is not internal. This one is a very simple example of showing your internal and external problem. However, there are some complex life problems in which you can hardly distinguish between internal and external problem. The key is to know immediately as to whether your sleep pattern and day to day routine works are also getting difficult day by day?
            All problem pertaining to relationship split in close relative like spouse son or daughter one more complex than they appears. If you are unhappy with the behavior of your spouse, your behavior – may be equally unhappy. The problem here is not known whether internal or external. Both of them have, here, so strong internal problems that, the external problem appear absolutely correct to both. The external problem varies in direct proportion to your internal problem in such cases the problem multiplies, without you being aware of the nature.
            The solution then, in such cases is TRUE LOVE, forgive and forgive and prayers surrender to God. You can not find any answer with logical debate on the relation split between you and your spouse. Once you apply love, forgiveness and surrender technique you can open up a friendly discussion with your spouse and reach to some amicable solution.
            Again, for you to forgive a blunder made by your spouse what you need is to change the bad feeling immediately with good one. Remember a good time with year spouse and switch over it immediately.
            To solve the problem, you need to know where it lies. If you are not able to find where the problem lies ask your spouse. If both of you are confused, ask your family friend or a family doctor or even professional counselors.
Find where the problem lies.                                                                                                                                                             




39. Break the background music........temporarily

39. Break the background Music………temporarily
            “This fan makes continuous noise and irritates me” complaint my elder son one evening.
            “Why?” I asked casually.
            “It does not change tone and it is a continuous monotonous tone.” He replied.
“Do you like background music mixed with a song?” I asked.
“Yes, because it change the tone and it is soothing.” He tried to explain it to me.
            When the tone is continuous, monotonous, unending and undesirable you are annoyed by it.Suddenly, I realize that, how our mind often makes unnecessary, continuous chatter, which is unending. Even though you are exhausted, For some person this unbearable background music starts as soon as they get-up in the morning and keeps on chattering till late night when they sleep – if at all they sleep . In major depression,it may come in the night ours also. In fact, this is one of the most prominent symptom of major depression that,the patient looses sleep in early morning (3 to 4 am) and mind start chattering giving anxious sleep less wee hours
            How do you break this pattern? These are few tricks which may work for you, if you try them out.
1.      Walk Fast: Walking briskly is very much useful as for as physical exercise is concerned. It can also reduce your stress level by consuming some of your stress hormones. Nevertheless, there is one more advantage use of brisk walking which you may not be aware.
When you are engaged in a specific thought pattern (generally negative), and if you walk simultaneously your walking pace will be slow. That is because your attention is diverted when you are doing two things simultaneously . When you are doing two things simultaneously (walking & thinking – negative) your brain switch over automatically to a safe mode – default mode, i.e. slow speed walking.
Now if your break this pattern by walking briskly your thinking – background music has to stop temporally. Repeated efforts may yield a good amount of relief..
2.      Smile and talk to strangers:
This is a safe way to breaking the old pattern if you smile and talk to stranger so many thing happen simultaneously.
a)      Smiling reduces stress in the first step
b)      Talking will make you attentive, which in tern will break your old pattern.
c)      When you start talking you stop comparing yourself with stranger. This will put you to ease with any stranger.
3.      Use ‘mindful observation’ technique:
This is a special way of observing all things that come across you in details. It occupies a lot of working memory to observe keenly, leaving no spare time for brooding.Generally we do not observe things attentively. If  I ask you ,whether so and so shop was open or close on your way home,you may not be able to answer.
            Supposing if I observe a school boy going to school, what should I observe for as a mindful observation?
How is the uniform?
Which bag is he carrying?
What shoes he is wearing?
How is the color of shirt?
Is their any belt or the which color?
Is he weary spectacles?
Is he waiting for a friend or school bus?
Is he having water bottle in his hand which hand?
How is the boy –tall, short black with curly hair?
How is the nose?
There are ‘n’ number of observations you can make with any single object that you encounter. Observe and stop your chatter for some time. Take new routes daily when you go for a walk and observe the things.
4. Take a table tennis ball and racket. Throw the ball in the air with the racket. Now see to it that, it does not fall on the ground for next 10 minutes. You will notice that, while doing so, you need moment to moment attention to the ball, leaving no time and spare memory to brood on the same old depressing thoughts.
Break the background Music and get relief.
  

38. Avoid over indulgence in compassion...at least for now

38. Avoid over Indulgence in compassion:
“Compassion” by dictionary meaning is ‘pity’. As a general guide line compassion is suppose to be good for your emotional health. However, if you notice, for those who are very sensitive, get over indulged in compassion and feel low themselves.
            There is a difference between helping others out of pure compassion and feeling bad for his conditions. The more your are sensitive to certain issue, the more you feel down after you face such situation. This is I termed, as overindulgence in compassion.
            A lady when feel compassion after seeing a crippled beggar and gives him some money is pure compassion. She is not emotionally attached to the sadness of the beggar. However, if the same lady when feels/sees her crippled son in place of beggar, feels sorrow, which is not pure compassion. It is her sensitivity towards her son that makes her feel extreme sorrow before compassion. You must watch your emotions so that, it should not develop sorrow in place of true compassion. The difference in both are very fine. Understanding others emotion is true compassion, where as feeling our self others emotion is over indulgence in compassion. Draw a fine line between these two and never cross over.
            Time and again, it is noticed that, those who have suffered a set back or those who have become sensitive to certain issue, ultimately work for such issues life long. The beauty of this compassion is that it blossoms, when you work for some one you do not know.
            Watch you steps, if you notice sadness taking over compassion stop then & there. Drop compassion altogether till you desensitize yourself towards the issue.
            Avoid over indigence in compassion….at least for now.


37. Jungle Rules..true virtues

37. Jungle Rules:
            The other day I was watching a T.V cartoon, Mogli , with my younger son. The leader of the jungle unit punishes one of the members for not obeying Jungle rules. Suddenly my son asked “what are jungle rules, Dady”
            These are the rules which uses might and which are unjustified all the time.” I replied inadvertently.
“Is it? He was not satisfied with my answer. “But here it says, no one should kill others if he is not hungry. “Is this note justified rule” he asked.
            Suddenly, I released that, what I said was not totally correct. Some of the animal rules are so spiritual that, you need to adopt them.
            Is it not worth adapting certain rules like?
  1. Don’t kill (disturb) others if you are not hungry. i.e. do not attack others physically or verbally if it is not warranted.
  2. Do not store any thing for tomorrow. i.e. do not be greedy.
  3. Detach yourself from your children as soon as they start flying. (As they became matured.)
  4. To go to bed at sunset and to getup at sun-rise.
  5. Do not enters some else’s tertiary. (Do not tress pass)
  6. Use your passion for reproduction purpose only.
  7. Do not pollute surrounding and atmosphere.
  8. Enjoy this moment irrespective of your life Span of few days (mosquitoes) or three hundred years (tortoise).
  9. Never worry for your future.
  10. Never bother for what others do or say.
  11.  If situation demands ,run away from the situation. There is nothing like ego or status.
There are ‘n’ number of rules that needs to be adopted in toto, let others say you are a Junglee.
On a trial basis adopt one rule from today.
ADOPT SOME OF THE JUNGLE RULES....THESE ARE TRUE VIRTUES
 

  

36. Tone Down your own evaluation standards

36. Tone down your own evaluation standards:
            I used to get very much upset whenever I could not answer any  question asked in my seminar on “Stress Management” at our training institute. It gave me immense bad mood when I missed one sentence. One wards or could not pronounce properly in my lecture at this seminar. One day we had a guest speaker on the topic, who spoke confidently well. After the seminar I saw this gentle man very much delighted. He came to me and said “what a nice speech I delivered”. This made me reevaluate my faulty process of evaluation.
The first question I asked myself was “what the hell, I know about stress management”? “What do I need to feel successful?”
“Is it not enough to answer twenty seven questions correctly and make  mistake once !”
“Who do I think I am? a super man?”
“No way.” The answer came immediately.
Suddenly I felt that it gave enormous relief if I tone down my own evolution criteria.
            Further while reading “My experiment with truth” by M.K.Gandhi and “letters by Swami Vivekanand”, I found that both of them could not speak at their optimum level initially.
            Swami Vivekanad wrote after his famous speech of Chicago. “It is he, the almighty, who made me speak, otherwise my throat was completely dry.”
It made me think. “Why I should not tone down my faulty process of biting myself again and again. It is like betting my own horse repeatedly without giving it any food, water or rest.
            These idea applies to all those who are highly anxious, nervous and highly perfectionist. It will not work for those who want to escape the situation. This also does not mean you have to lower your evolution process to primary level or lowest level. There should be a good compromise between your capabilities, your goal and your temperament.
Tone down strident standards and feel relaxed.



35 You are always in the middle

35. You are always in the middle.
            A small boy in my neighborhood came to my house and said, “Uncle, I want to ask you a puzzle”
            “O.K. ask” I replied without looking at him. He ran back too his house and brought several toys along with him. Later, he arranged the toys around the circular sticker on the floor, and then asked.
            “Which is the first toy, uncle?”
            I kept aside my newspaper, looked at him and then at toys. I found, brightness in his eyes, as if a teacher is asking a question to his student.
            I could not answer this puzzle immediately.
            But after a few second, I put forward a cross question “yes” I said, I can answer your puzzle, provided you identify which toy is last in the line.”
            He smiled and put forward to me a philosophical statement. “Uncle, all are in the middle”
            Wow! What wisdom, he taught me. Suddenly, it dawned unto me that, no matter how hard I try, there are several thousand people smarter than me, richer than me. It is equally true, no matter how bad my conditions are, as of today, there are million of people worse than me, who need help immediately. Wow! What a relief.
            If you treat yourself as a number a positive (good) or a negative (bad), no matter what value you possess, the numbers are infinite on both the side of the zero in number scale.
            This strategy, however, should not be used misused as a tool to your procrastination habit. This technique is like a double edged sward, which you need to handle carefully.

            Know it for sure, that your are always in the middle. Be at ease all the time.

Friday, July 26, 2013

34. Look back and relax


34. Look back and Relax:
            This modified version of the famous words “Sit back and relax” come to me in dramatic way.
            We had our house in our village in Northern Gujarat. The house was built by our forefathers. As none of my brother or sister now stays at village we sold the house recently. While vacating the house of all Junk old materials I found a file containing some documents dating back to Nineteen Century. One of which i has written note with marked date Tenth July 1888.. The stamp papers in Annas & Ruppes marked with a Photo of his Highness Sayajirao Gaikwad of Baroda State – Gujarat. While going through It I found several stamped documents containing writ petition on the ownership of house and adjoining piece of land.
            Both the person,one who has claimed the ownership and another who has objected are dead years ago. The judgment by the judiciary of his highness has rejected the plea of ownership, stating the land is owned by the king, his Highness Sayajirao Gaikwad.
            It was amazing and deeply moving experience for me. The king and his kingdom has gone, the British rule has gone, my fore father has left long ago and now we have sold the old house. Whose house and land was it any way? On top of it, one of the document ruled that the house is the property of my fore fathers ;  “As long the Sun and the Moon shines in the sky.” (yavad chandra divakaro-in Sanskrit-which means -as long as Sun and Moon shines in the sky) Wow! What a feeling it was! The sun and the Mom still shine and will continue to shine in the sky, but the owner so house and land are no more there.
            Now, whenever, I get upset over and a pretty issue, especially the issue pertaining to loss, I remember this event. If required, I take out this stamped paper and smile over it &  sometime laugh loudly.
“Sit back and Relax” will not wok for you if you are too sensitive to certain issue or too worried on small matters.
            Nevertheless, if you leave the “look back and Relax” attitude you may find peace everywhere.
            So look back….. smile…. and Relax.