41. Cry frequently .......unload yourself

    41. Cry Frequently – unload yourself:

            By now, I have given you so many ideas which are not acceptable as general guide line or routine norms. Here is one more for you. This idea indicates that, crying frequently is good for your soul. Normally, if you are too stressed or have extreme mood swings crying is almost natural.

            In a masculine society, no one especially a man is supposed to cry. This social attitude may build up internal stress, which ultimately will come out as psychosomatic disease.

            Do you know why a child cries so frequently and so easily? It has no mechanism to store in the stress. They unload all external stress then and there only. In any case, if you are highly stressed a heartfelt cry will defiantly relieve you from all internal pressure.

            Before you believe in this technique few things should be made clear over here.

(i).  Crying should  not be for some material thing ……. Or loss or it., unless it has become extreme cause f concern

(ii). Crying should not be in public places.

(iii). Crying should not be without any aim.

                        Your aim is calmness after it.

            Remember crying after a lost item, a lost battle, a spoiled relationship or loss or heath, will also make you peaceful. And  it may reduce your stress level immediately.

            What are the thing required for such useful cry

a.       a solitude.

b.      Complete surrender.

c.       Unshakable faith in almighty.

d.      Forgive and forgive ‘attitude.’

Let your heartfelt cry be a close door affair but not alone. In front of your GURU, and almighty you need to surrender whole heatedly. Keep a photograph of your GURU/God  in front of you, tune in the words of wisdom spoken by your GURUJI, fold your hand, bow down and Let your eyes be washed. Don’t ask anything. Just surrender. He knows your fight, he is aware of your losses and problems, your drawbacks, your ill health. Let him decide his own way.

            One of the stanzas of Swami Ramdas which I normally recite while I surrender is

“O Almighty, what should I ask while standing in front of you. This melancholy does not seem to be fading away. Let my all doubts be shattered and let my all worries be melted away, this is the only thing that I ask, my lord.”

                                                                                    -Ramdas (Karunashtak-29)

What a way to ask !

Here is one more request.

“O Almighty, I am unable, on my own, to stop this chatter of my mind. I can not detach myself from my kith an kin. Every moment my confidence shakes. O ocean of compassion, that is why I surrender unto you.

-          Ramdas (Karunthal-5)

            Believe me, this is the only way out, when you hit upon your trigger knowingly or unknowingly.

            Some time it so happen that, even after your first surrender you do not get calmness. The negatives are so strong that, they overwhelm you, while you are praying.

            What should you do in such case?

Surrender the thought itself to the almighty.

            Recite this one from Ramdas.

“O, Almighty, please don’t make my logic and intelligence go hay wire completely, as I surrender up to you.”

Cry frequently and in process unload your stress.

40. Identify were the problem lies

40. Identify where the problem lies:

            Once a young devotee came to a saint and asked “why I am not getting God realization, even after decades of hard effort?”

 “Come here, to night” a plain reply come from the saint.

            When the devotee came at night, there was a pitch darkness in the hut. “come in” he was instructed by the saint.

“I have lost my Tulsi necklace some where in the hut. Can you find out?” the saint asked the devotee.

            “First, I will have to light up a lantern here, so that I can see” said the devotee and lighted up the lantern.

“Taking the lantern the saint immediately moved out of the hut and started searching the necklace in the backyard.

            “But you have lost the necklace inside the hut. Guruji you will not find it outside” without knowing anything the devotee questioned the saint.

            “My son,” said Guruji “Here is the answer. “You knew that, the light (knowledge) would be required to search the necklace (bliss) in the darkness (ignorance). However, having the light of knowledge and wisdom alone is not enough. You have to search where you have lost it.”

            For those, who has frequent mood swings, it is very difficult to identify where the problem lies. If you have problem all round, if you find every one else is at fault, if you are unhappy with every one around, if each small pending work bother you, know it for sure that the problem lies within. Nothing is required to be done, outside, to improve upon the situation. This can not be solved by external change because you can not control all events and you can not change all persons  around. The only thing required here is to be aware that, the problem is internal and it will go simply by acknowledging it, and surrounding to almighty and Guru.

            If you get upset with someone or worried about some situation, how do you know that, this is your internal problem or a genuine problem, which require your attention and immediate action? The simple test is, to find out how do you feel in general, are you unhappy with others/ other situation equally, are you feeling angry frustrated with yourself also, how do you feel about your future in general an optimistic view or a pessimistic view. If any some of the above answer is negative, know it for sure that, the problem is internal. The idea is to know, whether you need to act right now or just prey and let the storm pass over. There are some triggers which are pressed very often, putting you in a spiral of thought, that has no answers or no feasible solution what so-ever.

            Take one example, suppose you are  afraid of being fired by your employer for one reason or the other, which you do not know. These are no apparent symptoms of this event to happen. Even than, if you keep on trying to find out answer to these quires,  you are inviting  big trouble. If you try searching for alternate job due to fear of being fired, it is your internal problem. However, if you are already fired or you are searching a better job- teen the problem is not internal. This one is a very simple example of showing your internal and external problem. However, there are some complex life problems in which you can hardly distinguish between internal and external problem. The key is to know immediately as to whether your sleep pattern and day to day routine works are also getting difficult day by day?

            All problem pertaining to relationship split in close relative like spouse son or daughter one more complex than they appears. If you are unhappy with the behavior of your spouse, your behavior – may be equally unhappy. The problem here is not known whether internal or external. Both of them have, here, so strong internal problems that, the external problem appear absolutely correct to both. The external problem varies in direct proportion to your internal problem in such cases the problem multiplies, without you being aware of the nature.

            The solution then, in such cases is TRUE LOVE, forgive and forgive and prayers surrender to God. You can not find any answer with logical debate on the relation split between you and your spouse. Once you apply love, forgiveness and surrender technique you can open up a friendly discussion with your spouse and reach to some amicable solution.

            Again, for you to forgive a blunder made by your spouse what you need is to change the bad feeling immediately with good one. Remember a good time with year spouse and switch over it immediately.

            To solve the problem, you need to know where it lies. If you are not able to find where the problem lies ask your spouse. If both of you are confused, ask your family friend or a family doctor or even professional counselors.

Find where the problem lies.                                                                                                                                                             

39. Break the background music........temporarily

39. Break the background Music………temporarily

            “This fan makes continuous noise and irritates me” complaint my elder son one evening.

            “Why?” I asked casually.

            “It does not change tone and it is a continuous monotonous tone.” He replied.

“Do you like background music mixed with a song?” I asked.

“Yes, because it change the tone and it is soothing.” He tried to explain it to me.

            When the tone is continuous, monotonous, unending and undesirable you are annoyed by it.Suddenly, I realize that, how our mind often makes unnecessary, continuous chatter, which is unending. Even though you are exhausted, For some person this unbearable background music starts as soon as they get-up in the morning and keeps on chattering till late night when they sleep – if at all they sleep . In major depression,it may come in the night ours also. In fact, this is one of the most prominent symptom of major depression that,the patient looses sleep in early morning (3 to 4 am) and mind start chattering giving anxious sleep less wee hours

            How do you break this pattern? These are few tricks which may work for you, if you try them out.

1.      Walk Fast: Walking briskly is very much useful as for as physical exercise is concerned. It can also reduce your stress level by consuming some of your stress hormones. Nevertheless, there is one more advantage use of brisk walking which you may not be aware.

When you are engaged in a specific thought pattern (generally negative), and if you walk simultaneously your walking pace will be slow. That is because your attention is diverted when you are doing two things simultaneously . When you are doing two things simultaneously (walking & thinking – negative) your brain switch over automatically to a safe mode – default mode, i.e. slow speed walking.

Now if your break this pattern by walking briskly your thinking – background music has to stop temporally. Repeated efforts may yield a good amount of relief..

2.      Smile and talk to strangers:

This is a safe way to breaking the old pattern if you smile and talk to stranger so many thing happen simultaneously.

a)      Smiling reduces stress in the first step

b)      Talking will make you attentive, which in tern will break your old pattern.

c)      When you start talking you stop comparing yourself with stranger. This will put you to ease with any stranger.

3.      Use ‘mindful observation’ technique:

This is a special way of observing all things that come across you in details. It occupies a lot of working memory to observe keenly, leaving no spare time for brooding.Generally we do not observe things attentively. If  I ask you ,whether so and so shop was open or close on your way home,you may not be able to answer.

            Supposing if I observe a school boy going to school, what should I observe for as a mindful observation?

How is the uniform?

Which bag is he carrying?

What shoes he is wearing?

How is the color of shirt?

Is their any belt or the which color?

Is he weary spectacles?

Is he waiting for a friend or school bus?

Is he having water bottle in his hand which hand?

How is the boy –tall, short black with curly hair?

How is the nose?

There are ‘n’ number of observations you can make with any single object that you encounter. Observe and stop your chatter for some time. Take new routes daily when you go for a walk and observe the things.

4. Take a table tennis ball and racket. Throw the ball in the air with the racket. Now see to it that, it does not fall on the ground for next 10 minutes. You will notice that, while doing so, you need moment to moment attention to the ball, leaving no time and spare memory to brood on the same old depressing thoughts.

Break the background Music and get relief.

  

38. Avoid over indulgence in compassion...at least for now

38. Avoid over Indulgence in compassion:

“Compassion” by dictionary meaning is ‘pity’. As a general guide line compassion is suppose to be good for your emotional health. However, if you notice, for those who are very sensitive, get over indulged in compassion and feel low themselves.

            There is a difference between helping others out of pure compassion and feeling bad for his conditions. The more your are sensitive to certain issue, the more you feel down after you face such situation. This is I termed, as overindulgence in compassion.

            A lady when feel compassion after seeing a crippled beggar and gives him some money is pure compassion. She is not emotionally attached to the sadness of the beggar. However, if the same lady when feels/sees her crippled son in place of beggar, feels sorrow, which is not pure compassion. It is her sensitivity towards her son that makes her feel extreme sorrow before compassion. You must watch your emotions so that, it should not develop sorrow in place of true compassion. The difference in both are very fine. Understanding others emotion is true compassion, where as feeling our self others emotion is over indulgence in compassion. Draw a fine line between these two and never cross over.

            Time and again, it is noticed that, those who have suffered a set back or those who have become sensitive to certain issue, ultimately work for such issues life long. The beauty of this compassion is that it blossoms, when you work for some one you do not know.

            Watch you steps, if you notice sadness taking over compassion stop then & there. Drop compassion altogether till you desensitize yourself towards the issue.

            Avoid over indigence in compassion….at least for now.

37. Jungle Rules..true virtues

37. Jungle Rules:

            The other day I was watching a T.V cartoon, Mogli , with my younger son. The leader of the jungle unit punishes one of the members for not obeying Jungle rules. Suddenly my son asked “what are jungle rules, Dady”

            These are the rules which uses might and which are unjustified all the time.” I replied inadvertently.

“Is it? He was not satisfied with my answer. “But here it says, no one should kill others if he is not hungry. “Is this note justified rule” he asked.

            Suddenly, I released that, what I said was not totally correct. Some of the animal rules are so spiritual that, you need to adopt them.

            Is it not worth adapting certain rules like?

1. Don’t kill (disturb) others if you are not hungry. i.e. do not attack others physically or verbally if it is not warranted.
2. Do not store any thing for tomorrow. i.e. do not be greedy.
3. Detach yourself from your children as soon as they start flying. (As they became matured.)
4. To go to bed at sunset and to getup at sun-rise.
5. Do not enters some else’s tertiary. (Do not tress pass)
6. Use your passion for reproduction purpose only.
7. Do not pollute surrounding and atmosphere.
8. Enjoy this moment irrespective of your life Span of few days (mosquitoes) or three hundred years (tortoise).
9. Never worry for your future.
10. Never bother for what others do or say.
11.  If situation demands ,run away from the situation. There is nothing like ego or status.

There are ‘n’ number of rules that needs to be adopted in toto, let others say you are a Junglee.

On a trial basis adopt one rule from today.

ADOPT SOME OF THE JUNGLE RULES....THESE ARE TRUE VIRTUES

 

  

36. Tone Down your own evaluation standards

36. Tone down your own evaluation standards:

            I used to get very much upset whenever I could not answer any  question asked in my seminar on “Stress Management” at our training institute. It gave me immense bad mood when I missed one sentence. One wards or could not pronounce properly in my lecture at this seminar. One day we had a guest speaker on the topic, who spoke confidently well. After the seminar I saw this gentle man very much delighted. He came to me and said “what a nice speech I delivered”. This made me reevaluate my faulty process of evaluation.

The first question I asked myself was “what the hell, I know about stress management”? “What do I need to feel successful?”

“Is it not enough to answer twenty seven questions correctly and make  mistake once !”

“Who do I think I am? a super man?”

“No way.” The answer came immediately.

Suddenly I felt that it gave enormous relief if I tone down my own evolution criteria.

            Further while reading “My experiment with truth” by M.K.Gandhi and “letters by Swami Vivekanand”, I found that both of them could not speak at their optimum level initially.

            Swami Vivekanad wrote after his famous speech of Chicago. “It is he, the almighty, who made me speak, otherwise my throat was completely dry.”

It made me think. “Why I should not tone down my faulty process of biting myself again and again. It is like betting my own horse repeatedly without giving it any food, water or rest.

            These idea applies to all those who are highly anxious, nervous and highly perfectionist. It will not work for those who want to escape the situation. This also does not mean you have to lower your evolution process to primary level or lowest level. There should be a good compromise between your capabilities, your goal and your temperament.

Tone down strident standards and feel relaxed.

35 You are always in the middle

35. You are always in the middle.

            A small boy in my neighborhood came to my house and said, “Uncle, I want to ask you a puzzle”

            “O.K. ask” I replied without looking at him. He ran back too his house and brought several toys along with him. Later, he arranged the toys around the circular sticker on the floor, and then asked.

            “Which is the first toy, uncle?”

            I kept aside my newspaper, looked at him and then at toys. I found, brightness in his eyes, as if a teacher is asking a question to his student.

            I could not answer this puzzle immediately.

            But after a few second, I put forward a cross question “yes” I said, I can answer your puzzle, provided you identify which toy is last in the line.”

            He smiled and put forward to me a philosophical statement. “Uncle, all are in the middle”

            Wow! What wisdom, he taught me. Suddenly, it dawned unto me that, no matter how hard I try, there are several thousand people smarter than me, richer than me. It is equally true, no matter how bad my conditions are, as of today, there are million of people worse than me, who need help immediately. Wow! What a relief.

            If you treat yourself as a number a positive (good) or a negative (bad), no matter what value you possess, the numbers are infinite on both the side of the zero in number scale.

            This strategy, however, should not be used misused as a tool to your procrastination habit. This technique is like a double edged sward, which you need to handle carefully.

            Know it for sure, that your are always in the middle. Be at ease all the time.