23. Desensitize yourself …………… your shield.
Sensitivity as we all know is a tendency of a person towards specific condition physical or emotional. Those who are allergic to various things know very well that, how dust particles, perfume, bed mites, or smoke make them sneeze, running nose and sour throat. An emotional sensitivity is also like physical allergy, which triggers on slightest provocation, making you sad, unhappy and lumpy.
“You must have will power” “Think positive.” “Don’t give up”. “Thoughts are powerful tools” and all such positive sentences do not withstand the emotional storm. The basic psychology of ‘fight or flight’ is generally behind your such experiences when you feel your life is in danger or your psychological identity is threatened, nothing withstand against it. Your all power is useless in case of ‘dust allergy’, likewise your will power is useless in such emotional drag . this is termed as emotional sensitivity.
You get sensitized to certain issues after a major set back or emotional pin, slowly this sensitivity spreads in other field also. Ultimately a slight hint or provocation may drag you to original event of pain.
A simple example will make this clear. Suppose you have lost you close relative in a car accident, while you were driving. You have escaped with some injuries while your relative succumbed to the injuries. Your are pained and feel extreme guilt and sorrow. This is the main event. Now when you cross the same road you get a pinch of sadness and sudden feeling of sorrow. This is secondary event. Till this stage, there is no problem however if you link up main event with every news of accident, every picture showing accident, every similar car model, every talk of accident & demise, then you are sensitized to the event. Ultimately this sensitivity becomes you trigger. Simply by flush of a thought, with in seconds, you feel emotion pain of original event.
Now probably, you have no control over the trigger. It is like a powerful magnet which attracts you, without you knowing it.
The solution to such sensitivity is to desensitize your self. The first and foremost thing is to understand that, you are being dragged in to it by your emotions. The picture which you are reading is not correct. Once you become aware of it, you stop reacting to it. You must turn your self to believe that, though these emotions are not in my control right now, it will pass. It is the faulty software program which you have installed on your computer/ brain and which you are running frequently”. You should be aware that, though you feel extreme sadness, it is not real. It is like lying down on the earth when a strong cyclone is passing on your head.
However the second stage is more complicated, after the storm has passed, you need to stand up and analyze the situation and prepare in such a way that the next storm will be less intense and with lesser frequency. There are various ways of doing this like.
A- know your trigger.
B- Know the specific time.
C- Rewire your brain.
D- Use logic.
E- Surrender to almighty.
(a). Know your trigger: A trigger is a small event, incident, that leads you to the original set back event . In our example all news of an accident (auditory) all picture of accident (visual) and all thought of accident (kinesthetic) that leads you to main event, are triggers.
Once you are aware of the trigger and that if you know you have struck a trigger you are less bothered about the emotion that invade you soon after the trigger.
You will not react panicky as if the main event has occurred again. “just lie there and pray” is the key word for you once you have hit the trigger.
Don’t even try to fright the trigger with your strong will power. The idea of ‘taking bull by its horns’ does not wok here. For this to happen the bull should be external. When you fright internal bulls ‘awareness & surrender’ is the most important key. This bull can not be won by fighting. It has to be tainted slowly. Every person has his won major events and subsequent trigger. Find out you own trigger & be aware of it.
(b). Know the specific time:
These are some period in a day when you fell low Without specified reason. That leads you to some mood swings. In all probability it should be either mornings or evenings. Once you are aware that, it is the time which is main culprit in your mood swings, keep cool for that time. Remind again and again to yourself that, you have to pass this period smoothly, no matter what happens.
Keep cards to remind yourself again and again.
(c). Rewire your brain:-
This technique works on basic working principle of brain operation. If we can relate any bad event to a good joyous event immediately, the intensity of bad event reduces dramatically. Once you have hit upon the trigger, your mood solely depends on whether you stick to it or move further. If your thought is stuck to the trigger, you feel bad. What you should do is to attach a positive thought; a passive emotion to your trigger immediately after it has been provoked.
In our example, if you can relate the major event car accident to any good event, you can reduce the intensity of you trigger. If you can remember any event, where in you were joyful confident & blissful, immediately after the trigger it will work wonder for you. If you have lot of fun with your family members, in the same car few years back, you can remember the same immediately after the trigger. The more vivid the new picture, the more relief you will get. The key lies in switching over to new picture instantly. The speed is deciding criteria over here. After frequent such operations you will automatically reach to new picture as soon as you hit the trigger. Thus, the effect of trigger will ultimately be nullified. Thus your brain will ultimately rewire to the modified pattern of thinking.
(d). Use Logic:- Once you are aware of your triggers and you have started rewiring the brain, half the battle is won. After the storm is over take a pen and paper and start analyzing the situation logically. Remember this logic will not work immediately after you hit the trigger. Ask some penetrating questions to yourself and write down the probable answer logically.
Say, for instance in our case, you may ask
1. What are the chances of such accident happening with you, again? One in hundred? One in thousand? Ten thousand? Convince your self that for chance less than one in hundred you should not bothered.
2. Do you have any control over what has already happened?
3. What is the lesson you should learn from the incidence like – drive car carefully – enjoy the life as it is too small – love all as if today is the last day.
Such logical sequence will make you feel cool.
(e). Surrender:- This is the one thing, which can pull you out of trigger single handed. Know it for sure, that you need help when you are being dragged by your emotions. Faith in almighty and asking his help will instantly make you cool. Surrender whole hardy. He alone can pull you out of the trap instantly. Surrender should be so intense that, your eyes will get wet, or even it could be a profuse cry of help.
Take it from me that, such an emotional, intense surrender will wipe out your triggers damaging effect. Next time the trigger will not be so intense, if you have surrender whole heartily.
The basic requirement of such surrender are unshakable faith in almighty (give it any name), intense wish to come out of the trigger, and strong belief that almighty is full of compassion. The only way to such surrender is repeated attempt with full faith.
Years ago, I was very sensitive to my health. Slightest discomfort will make me more unhappy emotionally than physically. Once I could analyze the ‘trigger, the rest was just a matter of time. A complete surrender meant all my body, mind, thought & emotion are by the grace of God. It is up to him to give or take, and this gave immense peace of mind. Even negative thought and bad moods are not mine, then what am I trying to withhold?
One of the way of surrendering bad moods and negatives to almighty is to visualize your self taking off all the thoughts & moods from your head – like a motorcycle rider take off his helmet – and put it to his (almighty) feet, requesting him to rectify it – if he wishes.
If you follow such practice, slowly the sensitivity to certain issues will reduce and you can fell comfortable immediately after you hit upon your trigger.Most likely,the frequency of such bouts will reduce dramatically.
Desensitize yourself…….. make it your shield.