48. A GIFTED TOY ..(tamed monster,a buddy)

48. A GIFTED TOY

(tamed monster, a buddy)

O Guruji, thank you a zillion times,

you made me your boy.

now only, I can understand,

and accept this monster as a gifted toy.

Now I can play with him, if I want,

and turn it off when I don’t.

I allow it to play with myself,

and then pack it off to the shelf.

The monster sometimes smiles,

And walk with me, hand in hand, for miles.

Sometimes, when I am unable to walk,

He lifts me up, and run, shunning the talk.

He is my buddy, if I deploy

         I know, for sure, it is my GIFTED TOY.            

47 Accept the consequences of your action and built up confidence

47. Accept the consequences of your action and built up confidence:

            The other day my son was with me, when we saw a lady close her doors, put a lock and then checks it nearly a dozen times. Not only that, after walking a few steps she will came back and again recheck the lock for half a dozen times.

            “She do not have confidence” my son tried to explain it to me.

            “Oh, yes, may be” I replied casually.

Later, when I tried to analyses the event I find that it is not only lack of confidence  which make you behave in such manner. Yes, it is lack of confidence but it is one third of the story.

            There are three aspects involved in such action oriented behavior.

1. Lack of confidence.
2. Not ready to accept the consequences of action.
3. Negative interpretation of consequences.

We are all aware of the first past of such behavior, namely lack of confidence. This also stems out from the fact that, it may have some past records. And that she has given the incidence a ‘trigger’ Status. For instance, the lady in question may not be worried about her office drawer being open or close. Because she has not thought enough negative on that event, where as here she has given a status of trigger by thinking in the negative way several times may be years together.

            The second part is ‘not ready to accept the consequence of action.’ If you are ready to accept what ever is out come of your action, you are not bothered. If the lady is ready to accept the fact that her house can be burgled if kept upon, she can remain at peace. She is not bothered by the office drawer because he accepts the consequence of it, if it is remained open overnight.

            The third part, which is more important then the above two is interpretation of consequence. This is the main factor which determines your behavior. If you attach very bad feeling to your outcome of action or even possible out come of action you are too cautious. If the lady in once example believes that, it is a disaster to keep her house open overnight and that she can not forgive herself for such lapses, she is extremely cautions not to make any mistake to the extent of one in millions and in the process, she losses the confidence. The whole vicious circle is then completed. She do not know why she behaves this way. Infect, she wants to stop such behavior forcibly.

            To solve the mystery of such behaviors – you have to address all three aspects. Better you start addressing the third one, then second. If you address third and second aspects mentored above, your confidence will automatically be taken care. Be aware that, confidence does not come alone and that too forcibly without resolving the other two parts of your personality traits.

Accept the consequences and built up confidence.

46. Forgive and forgive...new tecnique

46.. Forgive and forgive:

            This is the modified version of “forget and forgive”. There is a wide difference between to forget and to forgive. If I say “I have forgotten your name” It has no meaning as far as the emotional pain or pleasure is concerned. where as forgiveness comes after knowing truly the event, the consequences and the pain that the event has given to you.”

            The work forget (forgetting) and forgive (forgiving) in it self suggests that one is “for getting” something while the other is “for giving” something.

            Forgiving others is completely a simple process if you have compassion as one of your core value.where as, forgiving oneself is very difficult if you have stringent rules for evaluating your own performance or if you have highest values.

            Some thirty five years back while traveling in a  steam engine driven train in Northern Gujarat, I lost my bag containing all original documents of my career up to the final semester engineering exam mark sheets. It shook me to the bottom, thinking it was a disaster. “How I can be so careless to miss a bag containing such important documents?”  I could not explain it to myself I could get duplicate copies of them all now. As I look back on the event occurred some thirty five years ago it has no significance today. I have not forgotten the incidence; I still remember vividly what exactly happened and how I felt those days. Nevertheless I have forgiven myself for my lapse may be blunder. I will not get upset whenever; I remember this incidence now on the contrary I smile over it and move on. Infect, I often remember this incidence to tone down, my pain of current lapses or mistakes. I know it for sure, that any incidence has no major significance after certain period of time.

            Forgiving others and most importantly forgiving. oneself is the key to unload tons of emotional load from your head.

            This does not, however, mean that you should not act when it is required to take immediate action. This is useful only when an event has already occurred and you have no control whatsoever over it. Only forgiveness will work in such cases.

            Learn the technique of ‘forgive (others) and forgive (yourself too)”………

            Asking you to forgive yourself and drop the guilt is easier said the done. I know.. I have first hand experience of it. I tell you guilt is one of the worst things that can happen to you. And it is the prime cause of clinical depression.

            Here is the way out. Key is to write down on a piece of paper the worst emotions then soothing lines at the end of letter-note. More and more time you write and say I forgive my self, you feel better.

            One of the fastest way is to do following steps.

1. Remember the event which gives you immense guilt.
2. Close the eyes.
3. Clinch the left arm fist and immediately remember a good experience of your life… feel that good experience now.
4. Do this several times in a day.

Both this techniques will slowly but certainly reduce your guilt load.

So…. Forgive (others) and forgive (yourself too)”

45." Hundred meters" and " ten to ten " test

45. ‘Hundred meters’ and ‘ten to ten’ test:

            This technique was gifted to me by a young boy. We were both walking across a flyover bridge. The boy was crying for a chocolate.

            “Don’t cry” I said.

            “Will you give me a chocolate, if I do not cry till we cross this fly over bridge?” The boy asked innocently. Suddenly, I realized that, this is a good idea.

            This is a very typical method I have often used for myself. The basic idea here is to postpone the bad moods, for sometime.

            A teenager boy come to a wiser man of the village “I can not stop smoking” asked the boy. “What should I do?” The wise man replied “you don’t have to stop smoking altogether. Then only thing you have to do is to wait for half an hour whenever you feel like smoking.”

            “This is very simple, the boy was delighted”

“But, this is for the first weak only. The next weak you will have to wait for 45 minutes before you smoke. Each weak you will have to add 15 minutes before you smoke.”

            After few weeks the boy came to the wise man “sir, I have stopped smoking, completely.”

            The idea is the habits do not go immediately. If you have accustomed to habitual brooding and worrying for small matters, you can not stop it immediately. Your mind has to learn it slowly. Let your brain know that, it is possible, for at least some time, to postpone the worrying or brooding.

            Happiness is all about your mood at this moment. If you can postpone your negative thoughts and worries for same time, happiness is right here and now. Happiness has nothing to do with past or future. Though, everyone know, it is difficult to practice this idea, especially if you have formed a negative pattern for yourself.

            I use, this technique very often. Sometimes, I decide remain calm over certain issue till I walk 100 meters distance or till I reach a shopping mall. It is amazing when you ask you brain to keep quite, only for some time, it obeys the order. Your brain is assured, that, it can revert back to its original chatter after only some time. This technique is known as “100 mtr” technique. It is technique of walking only 100 mtr. Cool minded. If you can achieve this  stage, the next stage is “10 to 10 test”.

            Take one day at a time, say “Sunday”. From 10 am Sunday to 10 am next day, you will not allow your brain to go negative. Observe this for 24 hrs only. If you catch yourself worrying / brooding over certain issue gently request your brain that, “oh, my dear friend only nine hours after left now. Why do you make such haste?” Slowly you will notice that, you can delay the anxiety for some length of time. This is what exactly required for a blissful mind. Keep a card reading “10 to 10 test” in your pocket and touch it all time, remanding yourself of your short term goal.

            This strategy can then be extended for the days in a weak, three days in a week & so on. Go slow, unless you master 100 mtr. test don’t venture in ’10 to 10 test.’

            Use this technique judiciously and not for  procrastination.

            Learn ‘100 mtr’ and ’10 to 10 test’ technique.

44. Expand Brotherhood....Love all

             44. Expand brotherhood…………. Love all.

            This notion was also received while vacating our house in village, after it was sold. Along with the stamped documents dating back to 1888, I found, what is known as a ‘Family tree’. It is a big tree with trunk as my 8^th generation forefather and names of successive generations spreading out as smaller branches. I never knew the name of my grate grand father ,forget  the eighth generation fore fathers.

            I noticed, while careful observations, that seventy five percent population of my village community, were covered as various branches and sub-branches of this giant tree. How amazing!

            Suddenly I got an idea. Suppose, if I extend the tree further down to say one thousand generations, how will a look?. Will it cover all the population of my district of say state? possibility, yes. What if I extend it to one thousand generation? Are we all not, virtually, brother in true sense? What makes us that unhappy with our brothers? What is that, we want to prove and capture from our brothers?

            The other day, while traveling through Mumbai suburban train, I witnessed a hot argument between two such brothers for a seat., the seat, which will have to be vacated after half an hour. Even first class suburban train passengers quarrel over seat. The only difference between the arguments in second class and first class compartment is that, the former argue in Hindi while the later argue in English!

            Are they not brother of a tree of the thousand years? Who knows?

            Expand brotherhood – love all.

43. Know the difference between contentment and loss of goal.

43. Know the difference between contentment and loss of goal.

            One morning in my college hostel days ,when it was raining and I started for a morning walk, my neighbor opening his door inquired “where are you going in the rain?”

“For my morning walk” I replied smiling. Later in the evening, he came and asked “tell me, when you talk of spirituality and frailness of body, why are you hell bent on maintaining this body. So scrupulously?”

 “Look” I replied “Don’t mix spirituality with disoriented life and ill health” we are the trustee of this body and it is our duty to maintain it properly”

“It means you are not content” he persisted. Lot of people confuse between contentment and aimlessness. Not having any goal, hobby or anything to peruse is not spirituality. Even the devotee and yogi have their aim as ‘liberation’. The key here is, to understand the difference between contentment and loss of goal.  

            You can feel contented eveniof you have lofty goals and even if you are trying hard to achieve your goal. The difference lies in the attitude of a person as of today. First you have to feel safe, secure and happy as of today then only you can proceed for the higher goal.

            So set you own goal. Make ‘bliss’ as top priority while proceeding toward the goal. All along the journey towards the goal feel safe, serene and secure. Such journey is as charming as goal it self.

            Be content, yet move towards the Goal.

        

              

42. Put Yourself in learning mode

42. Put yourself in a ‘learing’mode

“How dare you say this to me? You don’t have manners.” Shouted one of my friend to a colleague. The problem was very simple. While the friend was handling his mobile phone, this Colleague has passed a remark. “You do not know battery and connectivity status of the phone, how would you send SMS?”

            Later in the day, I met my friend and tried to pacify his emotions. He was not in mood to listen to me.

            “He is very arrogant and things he only knows everything” he again argued the same thing.

            “OK” I explained,: he was not good in his behavior. If I say, “You do not know how to fly a helicopter, how would you react? Would you mind it?

            “No, not at all. I do not know how to fly, it is OK.”

            “Now,” I continued “if I say you do not know your mother tongue properly, how would you react?”

            “I would, reject the statement, completely” he was confident. Suddenly he realized  that, it was easy for him if he could accept of reject the statement completely.

            The problem comes when you are half heated. You are stressful when your conscious mind says you should know it and your subconscious mind is doubtful out it.

            What is the solution then?

The solution lies in the awareness that, there is position –in fact there are numerous position- between knowing and not knowing. This is termed as learning mode. The only thing required here is you must have left zero percentage and not reached cent percent of any knowledge or skill. All that lie between zero and cent percent is termed as learning mode.

            If you accept yourself in a learning mode. You are not worried about reaching cent percent. Once you have become aware of your mood swings you have started learning. You are not now bothered even if you loose your mood once in  a while. It is a learning mode.

            Be aware and put yourself in a learning mode.