23. Desensitize yourself.............your shield

23. Desensitize  yourself …………… your shield.

            Sensitivity as we all know is a tendency of a person towards specific condition physical or emotional. Those who are allergic to various things know very well that, how dust particles, perfume, bed mites, or smoke make them sneeze, running nose and sour throat. An emotional sensitivity is also like physical allergy, which triggers on slightest provocation, making you sad, unhappy and lumpy.

            “You must have will power” “Think positive.” “Don’t give up”. “Thoughts are powerful tools” and all such positive sentences do not withstand the emotional storm. The basic psychology of ‘fight or flight’ is generally behind your  such experiences when you feel your life is in danger or your psychological identity is threatened, nothing withstand against it. Your all power is useless in case of ‘dust allergy’, likewise your will power is useless in such emotional drag . this is termed as emotional sensitivity.

            You get sensitized to certain issues after a major set back or emotional pin, slowly this sensitivity spreads in other field also. Ultimately a slight hint or provocation may drag you to original event of pain.

            A simple example will make this clear. Suppose you have lost you close relative in a car accident, while you were driving. You have escaped with some injuries while your relative succumbed to the injuries. Your are pained and feel extreme guilt and sorrow. This is the main event. Now when you cross the same road you get a pinch of sadness and sudden feeling of sorrow. This is secondary event. Till this stage, there is no problem however if you link up main event with every news of accident, every picture showing accident, every similar car model, every talk of accident & demise, then you are sensitized to the event. Ultimately this sensitivity becomes you trigger. Simply by flush of a thought, with in seconds, you feel emotion pain of original event.

            Now probably, you have no control over the trigger. It is like a powerful magnet which attracts you, without you knowing it.

            The solution to such sensitivity is to desensitize your self. The first and foremost thing is to understand that, you are being dragged in to it by your emotions. The picture which you are reading is not correct. Once you become aware of it, you stop reacting to it. You must turn your self to believe that, though these emotions are not in my control right now, it will pass. It is the faulty software program which you have installed on your computer/ brain and which you are running frequently”. You should be aware that, though you feel extreme sadness, it is not real. It is like lying down on the earth when a strong cyclone is passing on your head.

            However the second stage is more complicated, after the storm has passed, you need to stand up and analyze the situation and prepare in such a way that the next storm will be less intense and with lesser frequency. There are various ways of doing this like.

A-    know your trigger.

B-    Know the specific time.

C-    Rewire your brain.

D-    Use logic.

E-     Surrender to almighty.

(a). Know your trigger:  A trigger is a small event, incident, that leads you to the original set back event . In our example all news of an accident (auditory) all picture of accident (visual) and all thought of accident (kinesthetic) that leads you to main event, are triggers.

            Once you are aware of the trigger and that if you know you have struck a trigger you are less bothered about the emotion that invade you soon after the trigger.

You will not react panicky as if the main event has occurred again. “just lie there and pray” is the key word for you once you have hit the trigger.

            Don’t even try to fright the trigger with your strong will power. The idea of ‘taking bull by its horns’ does not wok here. For this to happen the bull should be external. When you fright internal bulls ‘awareness & surrender’ is the most important key. This bull can not be won by fighting. It has to be tainted slowly. Every person has his won major events and subsequent trigger. Find out you own trigger & be aware of it.

(b). Know the specific time:

            These are some period in a day when you fell  low Without specified reason. That leads you to some mood swings. In all probability it should be either mornings or evenings. Once you are aware that, it is the time which is main culprit in your mood swings, keep cool for that time. Remind again and again to yourself that, you have to pass this period smoothly, no matter what happens.

            Keep cards to remind yourself again and again.

(c). Rewire your brain:-

            This technique works on basic working principle of brain operation. If we can relate any bad event to a good joyous event immediately, the intensity of bad event reduces dramatically. Once you have  hit upon the trigger, your mood solely depends on whether you stick to it or move further. If your thought is stuck to the trigger, you feel bad. What you should do is to attach a positive thought; a passive emotion to your trigger immediately after it has been provoked.

            In our example, if you can relate the major event car accident to any good event, you can reduce the intensity of you trigger. If you can remember any event, where in you were joyful confident & blissful, immediately after the trigger it will work wonder for you. If you have lot of fun with your family members, in the same car few years back, you can remember the same immediately after the trigger. The more vivid the new picture, the more relief you will get. The key lies in switching over to new picture instantly. The speed is deciding criteria over here. After frequent such operations you will automatically reach to new picture as soon as you hit the trigger. Thus, the effect of trigger will ultimately be nullified. Thus your brain will ultimately rewire to the modified pattern of thinking.

(d). Use Logic:- Once you are aware of your triggers and you have started rewiring the brain, half the battle is won. After the storm is over take a pen and paper and start analyzing the situation logically. Remember this logic will not work immediately after you hit the trigger. Ask some penetrating questions to yourself and write down the probable answer logically.

Say, for instance in our case, you may ask

1.      What are the chances of such accident happening with you, again? One in hundred? One in thousand? Ten thousand? Convince your self that for chance less than one in hundred you should not bothered.

2.      Do you have any control over what has already happened?

3.      What is the lesson you should learn from the incidence like – drive car carefully – enjoy the life as it is too small – love all as if today is the last day.

Such logical sequence will make you feel cool.

(e). Surrender:- This is the one thing, which can pull you out of trigger single handed.  Know it for sure, that you need help when you are being dragged by your emotions. Faith in almighty and asking his help will instantly make you cool. Surrender whole hardy. He alone can pull you out of the trap instantly. Surrender should be so intense that, your eyes will get wet, or even it could be a profuse cry of help.

            Take it from me that, such an emotional, intense surrender will wipe out your triggers damaging effect. Next time the trigger will not be so intense, if you have surrender whole heartily.

The basic requirement of such surrender are unshakable faith in almighty (give it any name), intense wish to come out of the trigger, and strong belief that almighty is full of compassion. The only way to such surrender is repeated attempt with full faith.

            Years ago, I was very sensitive to my health. Slightest  discomfort will make me more unhappy emotionally than physically. Once I could analyze the ‘trigger, the rest was just a matter of time. A complete surrender meant all my body, mind, thought & emotion are by the grace of God. It is up to him to give or take, and this gave immense peace of mind. Even negative thought and bad moods are not mine, then what am I trying to withhold?

            One of the way of surrendering bad moods and negatives to almighty is to visualize your self taking off all the thoughts & moods from your head – like a motorcycle rider take off his helmet – and put it to his (almighty) feet, requesting him to rectify it – if he wishes.

            If you follow such practice, slowly the sensitivity to certain issues will reduce and you can fell comfortable immediately after you hit upon your trigger.Most likely,the frequency of such bouts will reduce dramatically.

            Desensitize yourself…….. make it your shield.

22. Practice a time for worry......fix the time and remain blissful rest of the time

22. Practice a time for worry.

“Life is a sum total of how you feel right now.” You may say this idea is not suitable for you. “I am already anxious and worried right now. How this strategy is useful for me.” Believe me this is one of the most simple way to post-pone worries and anxiety that you are facing almost all the time.

Generally you have a tendency to get yourself trapped in your vicious circle of anxiety and negative thoughts. This idea is to keep a card in your pocket and write down the problem that is bothering you right now. Your have to fix a time in day when you will resolve the problems written on your cards. Select a time in the day, when you generally feel comfortable.

Allot a time of, say fifteen minutes in a day to resolve all such problem that you have written on your card throughout the day. You are allowed to find solution to these problems, to be anxious, worried or even depressed during these fifteen minutes. As soon as the time is over you have to tear out the paper /card.

What this technique basically teaches you is, to postpone your bad mood for the time being. Your brain responds when it is confirmed that, the issue will be resolved later in the day. When you take out the card, What actually happens is you feel you are not bothered about the issue any more. It was the time and situation that make you think in that.way You may feel that the issues are not that important and it is not necessary to brood over such trivial issues. May be that was ‘time trap’ which made you think the other way.

Two things to be observed here, the time selection should be such that, you generally feel good during those fifteen minutes, secondly selected time should not be more then fifteen minutes.

This does not necessary means all that you feel at certain time is useless. Some of the issues may require immediate attention. Take two examples:

1.      Preparing a project report on dead line –say by today evening. This requires immediate attention in the morning; you can not postpone it till evening.

2.      Fear of preparing a  project report day after tomorrow. This is a feeling of fear and needs to be postponed.

Understand the difference and allow some time for worry.

A word of caution.This should not mean I am advocating procrastination Learn the difference between actual work and fear of work or fear of outcome.

Practice the time for worry.....fix the time and remain blissful rest of the time

.

21 .Surrender to mentor.......the way out

21. Surrender to GURU/Mentor – the way out.:

            This being a debatable and sensitive issue, before venturing to say anything, I would like to put a word of caution at the beginning.

            By general definition, it is known that, a GURU/mentor is one who teaches us something. However, learning the method of livelihood is something different then learning the basic life science. A GURU/mentor teaches you the ultimate truth of life. Teachers, teaches you mathematics,  science, physics, medicine, engineering and so on. This knowledge is lodged in the upper layer of the brain. The lower layers pertain to basic instincts and emotions,like love, fear,sex,hunger faith, devotion and bliss.

            Before you embark on GURU/mentor shopping please understand certain basic requirements of a GURU. Otherwise as saint Kabir says, “If GURU and his disciple both are blind, they will  fell in deep, dark well together.”

            Never make a GURU, who is still alive or follows his disciples who are still active and trying to capture as many as disciples as they can. The basic ideas here is to protect you from any misguidance or cheating.

            One, who you think and believe whole heartily  has realized the God, truth or one who is far ahead in his spiritual journey is best GURU. You will never meet your GURU face to face, nor will he ask you to do anything. All you have is his teachings, his life, his autobiography, his poems, his literature his wisdom, his devotion his love and of course his photograph/statue with you. You have not to travel anywhere to see him nor have you to stay in his Ashram. On the contrary, he will move along with you, where ever you go, and whatever you  do.. He is always with you in the form of his idea, his love, his wisdom, his books and his literature, the moment you close your eyes and fold you hands your GURU is always in front of you, guiding you in all your different satiation.

     Saint Ramdas says

          "jithe jithe shish maje namve,

           tihe tihe pay tuje asave"...Where ever I bow down my head , o my lord you are there.

            Be cautious of GURUS, who requires some specific poojas to be performed, some money is to be donated and so on.

            I have my won GURU whom I surrender whole heartily.

            Saint Kabir for his true love, wisdom & bliss; saint Ramdas for his cent percent Surrender to lord Ram, his capacity to rise like a phoenix bird from ashes; Swami Vivekanand for his guts, will power and capacity to fight all odds; Mahatama Gandhi for his unshakable faith in truth and Ahimsa. After his life time Experiments with truth he has discovered that, “Truth is God” is more  correct ………. then “God is truth.”

            Again the key for complete surrender lies in repetition  The more you read, listen to what your GURU said, the more peace you will find. It is repeated reading, listening and surrender that will bring profound change in your attitude towards any event/more specifically day to day events of your life.

Do some spade work so tat your GURU may take charge of your emotions.          

Find out your GURU/mentor and surrender whole heartily.

20. Take up Mantra..........engage the mind

20. Take up mantra:

            There was a poor man living in a small village. He was a very lazy man. He wanted a servant, who would work for him through out the day. He prayed the God and asked for such a servant. “Okay” God said, “I will give you such a powerful servant, who is very quick in his job. The only problem is he can not remain idle. If you l do not  give him work, he will spoil every thing in your house and even kill you.” The man becomes very happy. However, within a couple of days he understood that, it is not easy to give this powerful servant enough work. He becomes very much worried over the issue. One wise man advised him to put a ladder in his backyard and ask the servant to climb up and down the ladder till he was asked to perform any other task. The problem of keeping these servant busy was immediately solved.

Every one has this giant servant with us i.e our brain. It needs something to do all the time. If it is not doing any thing it may drag you down.

The secrete of keeping this great servant busy was discovered long ago by our forefathers as engaging it in reciting the lords name several times  in a day. This idea, I am afraid, will not please all of you. Some one may treat it as superstition or even waste of time. Nevertheless, it works wonders, especially if you are loosing your mood very frequently, you must try this technique.

Some of the benefits are:

1. Reciting the lords/Allah name will not allow you to stick to any one negative thought and will not allow you to be dragged. This is because every time you recite, your attention shift to the recitation, making your trigger and emotional drag less potent.
2. When you are sad or engrossed in negative thought pattern your Jaws become tight, your breathing quick and shallow. On the other hand, if you recite the name of lord, your jaws can not remain tight, giving a signal to the brain that everything is alright. Besides these mantras are designed in such a way that they require deep breathing and slow exhalation while reciting, making you calmer.
3. The important aspect, however, is to feel secure while you are reciting the mantra. If you have the  unshakable faith in the God and his awe-some powers and faith that, he is ready to help you out, you feel secure immediately. it is exactly the way, a small child hides himself in mothers lap, when he is afraid of anything. The child is dam sure that, his mother is capable of driving away his cause of concern. The faith should be unshakable. The unmatched faith in his power will give you psychological security instantly. If you have linked his power to his name, rest assure, Gods name will work wonder for you.

The time when you are prone to mood swings should be utilized in reciting such mantras.

            A word of caution here is, the work should not suffer in doing such recitation. The monster should be directed to the ladder only when there is not sufficient work for him.

            Know your time trap and recite mantra with faith...engage the mind.

19. Go for Picnic .........change the mood with place

19. Go picnic:

            Every body needs a change. There is no exception to this. A break in the routine will make you stress free. This technique is generally adopted as a stress relieving technique.

However, for those who are every day stressful and worried all the time, it is a sort of boon. It woks as an emotional tonic. If you are developing physical symptoms along with stress you need such outing the most.

All stresses come from over perception and our triggers. There are some primary events behind all stress. If your close relative have cheated on you, it could be your primary stress event. Now all things relating with that person may induce secondary and even tertiary stress triggers. A phone call of this relative may upset you, which is secondary trigger; even a simple thought of this relative may upset you which is a tertiary stress trigger. At your known place of work or home, there are so many temporary triggers which keep on making you uneasy half a dozen times in the day. This is why when you leave your work place and residence for a picnic, it brings calmness immediately.

More effect will be notice if you go to picnic at unknown place with unknown person. Quite often family members also induce certain stress in term of arranging picnic and providing facilities to your family members.

This however should not be implied that roaming here and there, leaving your family member to trail back home is a good stress management technique. You have to strike a perfect balence between work and picnic.

The optimum ratio of picnic with family members: with colleagues;  and alone is is to be worked out by yourself

Plan & go for picnic.......and change the mood.

18. Listen.........just listen

18. Listen…………. Just listen:

            “Listen to what others say” is a general advice given to everyone. However, what I suggest here is not just listening to other persons views. Yes, it is a good habit to listen carefully before you speak out. But, we are concerned here to rectify your wayward moods.

I think, by now, you must have understood the idea of surrender. The words of wisdom spoken by GURU the name of lord taken by GURU are some of the words you must listen carefully and repeatedly. The beauty of repeated listing is that, it slowly seeps in to your subconscious mind. If you have surrendered to you GURU or the god whole heartily , you will take all his words with unshakable faith. The stronger the faith and more the repetition, the stronger is the base in your subconscious mind.

I have a habit of listening saint Kabir and Swami Ram Das, repeatedly, during the morning walk and Yogasan. This has made such a strong base that, whenever I loose my center, I remember a word or two of advice ringing into my year and straight in the my mind amending my faulty thinking process. Among all MANACHE SHLOK (an advise to mind or musing the mind) by Swami Ramdas is a conPACT version of all psychology, psychotherapy and councealing available to modern science and social science put together. I have never come across or even have a dream of coming across such a beautiful gem of advice. It shows an emotional struggle of a young boy of thirteen who left his house and stayed in Jungle who hit his bottom in an early age and came out as a triumphant saint of all ages, in later past of his life.

Kabir, as used is an infinite source of wisdom and bliss for me, any time I listen bowing down which bowing hand and wet eyes. This is the first part of listening.

The second part of the listening is to listen sitting quietly and closing your eyes. Listen the various sounds all-around you, while your eyes are closed. Find out which one is the farthest sound and which one is the nearest sound reaching you. Then track a single sound – say an auto rickshaw – till it fades away. The idea is just to listen without relating and without any emotional impact. This technique if you practice for five minutes a day. It will make you cool against any irritating sound.

Learn to listen – repeatedly

Learn to listen – selectively – without reacting.

17. Medication........................a boon

17. Medication………….. a boon .

            The other day one of my friend inquired “why our test cricket players need to see a psychiatrist as a performance enhancing measure?”

“It is a good practice to know ones stress level and take corrective measures against it” I replied  half heartily.

“But” he continued,” why then people do not see a psychiatrist that easily.”

“There are very less trained psychiatrist in India, and people do not take this as a routine check up” I tried to convince him.

It is true, that we,as society do not accept a date with a psychiatrist, forget about taking the prescribed medicine. Our brain, as other body parts, needs some medicine some time. It is okay to take Prescribed medicine by a recognized doctor.

In a monthly meeting of our Non Government Organization, which I used to attend, the family members complained of their relatives not taking prescribed medicine. It is quit surprising that, a diabetic patient takes insulin injection regularly, often himself, a heart patient or a blood pressure patient takes his dose of medicine regularly but a man if prescribed certain medicine by a psychiatrist do not take it.

It is possibly because the social stigma attached to it or a strong suppressed anger towards the medicine that makes him avoid it.

What is the solution to such social problem?

All that has been mentioned in this little book will not work in extreme cases of mood swing also known as clinical depression. when it is quit necessary to opt for additional support of medicine. After a certain level of understanding is achieved any body can pick up various methods mentioned here in.

        One of the lady clients was first assured that, she need not take medicine. She was advised to keep the medicine it the mandir(place of worship) inside  her house. What she has to do is to  pray the God by lighting Diya, candle light once in a day. While doing so, and pray the God by lighting Diya, candle light once in a day. While doing so, and while praying the suppressed anger towards the medicine was greatly reduced. A prayer and anger both can not occur at time. Though this is not a proven technique it has worked in some cases.

The main idea here is to reduce the anger and rejection attitude in a client with more serene emotions with the help of gratitude towards god and surrender to God. One of the clients has given the medicine the label of ‘Dhanvantari – God of medicine- from whom he used to get ‘Amrit’ (nectar) when he prayed with folded hands & wet eyes.

It is amazing! How one can change the hatred in to worship.

Few of the clients are worried abut the side effects of medicine. Let first the effect be noticed forget about side effects, if any. Are we are worried about staying in metropolis city like Mumbai?  How many side (bad) effects it has on us? Are we worried about doing our morning walk in polluted city like Mumbai? Why? We ware more concerned about the effect which is more than ninety percent – and not the side effect which is hardly five percent to ten percent.

Know that, in certain cases, medication is a boon….. and absolute necessity. I shall give general guide line for you and family members regarding the time when one should seek professional help.

1. Loss of sleep 2. loss of appetite 3. loss of libido 4. loss of interest & enthusiasm 4. Pondering over same issues, often thousand times in a day. 5. Social withdrawal 6. loss of concentration 7. Feeling of emptiness and worthlessness 8. feeling of excessive guilt or self pity 9. Rackless thoughts…….. Including that of suicide.

If these/any one symptoms persist for more than two three days it is indication of you requiring a professional help including medicine.

Family members are also advised to note these Symptoms & act immediately.

Seek professional help.............take prescribed medicine....a boon.